I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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