Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
