I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
