i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
