No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The adults are the big ones right?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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