She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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