We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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