I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
