I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
