Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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