last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
