No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
