Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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