If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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