If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
