By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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