If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
