I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
