Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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