its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Randomize
