So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
