yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
They took my balls.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
