i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
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