Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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