I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He told me they were just razor bumps!
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
