pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
