Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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