im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
