and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
