worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
