As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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