So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize