You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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