I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
