i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
