i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
