I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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