FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
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