Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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