I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
