I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
