sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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