apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize