you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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