It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
