I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
