my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
