No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
