Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
