If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
