someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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