The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
