call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
