once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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