I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
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