Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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