remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
