ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize