Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
