Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
