Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
