Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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