sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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