ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize