Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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