I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
