How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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