weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
