i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
