By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
