Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
