Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
