i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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