I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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