My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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