I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
