You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I want her autograph on my taint
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
