My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
