i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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