I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
