we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
