i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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