Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
