My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
