I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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