after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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