You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
