did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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