I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
