question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize