Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
