Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
