They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
