It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Redeem this text for a blowjob
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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