it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
