my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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