Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
