A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
