Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
