i just wanna soil my oats bro
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
