i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
