This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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