you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
